she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
