Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
