you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
