Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize