um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
