i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
