I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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