i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
