my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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