I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize