no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
