I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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