Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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