i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
