I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
