How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There r osticjed everywhere
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
