Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
