look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
