so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
