he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
