Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
