she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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