i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
