No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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