If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
