i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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