Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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