i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
