Will you blow on my dice?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
