Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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