I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
