I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
