i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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