fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
