Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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