Will you blow on my dice?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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