I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
