He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
