Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
