hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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