We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
