I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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