Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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