He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
