at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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