Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
