Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize