Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
