PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have tasted many bathrooms
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
