Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
