Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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