Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
