after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
