If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
