In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize