I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
