we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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