??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
should my penis look like a turkey
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
