Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
time to smoke my breakfast
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
