i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize