Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
