i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
