i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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