Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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