You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
