She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
