He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
