Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
