Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
