Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
